Get all 34 Toehider releases available on Bandcamp and save 20%.
Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality downloads of XII in XII #09 - "SPACE FAMOUS", XII in XII #08 - "Stereo Night Ash: Music for Relaxation, Meditation, Decastrophizing and Deep Sleep", XII in XII #07 - "Toad Hirer", XII in XII #06 - Children of the Sun 3: A Collection of Cartoon Theme Songs from an Alternate Timeline in Which All Cartoons Are Duck-Themed, XII in XII #5 - Take on a Tank, XII in XII #04 - Horse EP, XII in XII #03 - The 4 Castles of Stelcoaryn, XII in XII #02 - "Snapshots From Beacontown Spring Dance '85", and 26 more.
1. |
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Once again out on the battlefield, faces a'splattered with blood
Charging with the courage of our forefathers before us
Fighting this war now for decades and none of it does any good
United as one, with our war cry in a chorus
Steadfast and tireless - determined & glorious
I spot him from my tower, behold that warrior!
Formidable, with nay a dent in his armour
Please send this message to him -
"MEET ME AT THE STRONGHOLD, YOU'RE A FORCE TO BE RECKONED WITH!
MEET ME AT THE STRONGHOLD, THIS FIGHT, IT MUST COME TO AN END”
I wish to greet this individual - together we could form a truce?
Arrows in the night sky & broadswords in the daylight
Realistically no-one can win this - is all this death of any use?
Tripping on the corpses of our fathers and our brothers
Cursing at our gods and at our kings with their orders
I've tried new strategies and changes in combat
And I can't admit defeat - there's no honour in that!
Maybe this hero knows of some grand magic spell?
His insane king must yield, this conflict we must quell
I'd like to meet him, tell him -
"MEET ME AT THE STRONGHOLD, YOU'RE A FORCE TO BE RECKONED WITH!
MEET ME AT THE STRONGHOLD - THIS FIGHT, IT MUST COME TO AN END
MEET ME AT THE STRONGHOLD” RIDE HORSE O'ER TO BECKON HIM,
“MEET ME AT THE STRONGHOLD, THE LIVES OF ALL MY MEN DEPEND”.
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2. |
Drown it in the Moat
04:10
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“I’ll tell you all, it happened right here in this tavern !
It wandered from its cavern and into the town
Drinking mead and cold beers, no-one else was in here
But I could still think well clear as I chugged ‘em down
A single eye and two sharp massive horns ado-orned its head
Mouth of saliva mixed with gobs of blood and flesh it had shred
Well I leapt up on that table there, and grabbed it by the throat
I tackled it down to the ground, and that was all she wrote!
I dragged it out into the field, it’s head wrapped in my coat
Rolled it down the hill some more, and drowned it in the moat!”
“That is not what happened, none of that is accurate
You’re a drunk, a coward and a silly man!
As it was, young lasses, I was cleaning glasses
seeing all that passes my window
I watched the thing pick berries from atop those towering trees
But they’re full of poison, and the ugly thing fell down to its knees
So I ran out back and lit a fire (a cyclops hates the smoke).
It’s single eye welled up with tears. It began to cough and choke.
I tied its hands, I tied its feet, I tied it to my boat
Sailed out halfway, then it was I that drowned it in the moat!
So c’mon leave these girls alone, you’re such a daft old soak!
Everyone in this tavern knows that I drowned it in the moat”
“Stick to serving us our drinks, you cocky young blokes are a joke.
Pipe down before I’ve had enough and I drown YOU in the moat!”
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3. |
Take on a Tank
05:15
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You got some nerve showing your face around here, now things are so out of hand
Really? You can’t even face me man to man?
You know I’m not the sort to run, so tell me, what’s your plan?
I’ve told you, you’re no longer welcome here on my land.
In the paddock it sat for years - overgrown with the moss and weeds
Pretty sure our old man would have just pushed it in the dam
Nobody batted an eye until I lovingly restored it to its former glory
Now you bastards want a share of all my hard work
TAKE ON A TANK - BLOOD DIVIDED
KINSMAN ATTACK - LIKE NO OTHER
TAKE ON A TANK - PRIDE COLLIDED
A STAB IN THE BACK - YOU WERE MY BROTHER!
So here you are, in this war machine, intentions loud and clear
Yeah you sure have got some nerve showing up in this here
A violent mind, a greedy hand, and a heart that’s never healed
You’ve turned my front yard into a goddamn battlefield
Your glasses magnify the dollar signs gleaming in your eyes
A laughing stock in this town, you’ve brought shame upon this family
And I know you’ve set those sights, but I’ll take it on with my fists if I have to
I won’t let you bastards steal all my hard work
TAKE ON A TANK - BLOOD DIVIDED
KINSMAN ATTACK - LIKE NO OTHER
TAKE ON A TANK - PRIDE COLLIDED
A STAB IN THE BACK - YOU WERE MY BROTHER!
TAKE ON A TANK - BLOOD DIVIDED
REMEMBER OUR DAD - THINK OF MOTHER!
TAKE ON A TANK - PRIDE COLLIDED
A STAB IN THE BACK - YOU WERE MY BROTHER!
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4. |
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“You love heavy metal, don’t you? Don’t you? Don’t you?
And you need heavy metal, don’t you? Don’t you? Yesss!
You love heavy metal, don’t you? Don’t you? Don’t you?
And you need heavy metal, don’t you? Don’t you?”
I once lived next door to somebody
They’d blast music all day & night long
And I’d pound on their walls and say “hey man, turn up that song!”
I’d never see exactly who lived there
But the stench of gasoline was strong
And at night I’d see 2 glowing eyes gleam through the fog
Then one stormy night a figure, dressed all in spikes and leather
Came to my door n’ said “Hi, I’m your neighbour!
And judging by that stupid grin you have on your face
You love heavy metal, don’t you? Don’t you? Don’t you?
And you need heavy metal, don’t you? Don’t you? Good.
You love heavy metal, don’t you? Don’t you? Don’t you?
And you need heavy metal, don’t you? Don’t you?
Oohh, just checking!”
And with that he invited me over
For a bourbon, a steak and a smoke
His walls were covered with posters of pentagrams and goats
He showed me his B.C. Rich Warlock
And his JCM 800 stack
At his feet was a scatter of pedals, (Boss, DOD, RAT…)
His playing wasn’t special
His singing? Not much potential
But oh jesus fuck, was it metal \m/
Through the feedback he screamed “Dude I can see it in your eyes!”
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Toehider Melbourne, Australia
The work of musician Micheal Mills and artist Andrew Saltmarsh.
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