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Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality downloads of XII in XII #09 - "SPACE FAMOUS", XII in XII #08 - "Stereo Night Ash: Music for Relaxation, Meditation, Decastrophizing and Deep Sleep", XII in XII #07 - "Toad Hirer", XII in XII #06 - Children of the Sun 3: A Collection of Cartoon Theme Songs from an Alternate Timeline in Which All Cartoons Are Duck-Themed, XII in XII #5 - Take on a Tank, XII in XII #04 - Horse EP, XII in XII #03 - The 4 Castles of Stelcoaryn, XII in XII #02 - "Snapshots From Beacontown Spring Dance '85", and 26 more.
1. |
Filly Folly Castle
03:35
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Filly Folly! Filly Folly! Filly Folly!
1. Welcome to ol’ Stelcoaryn, where the sunlight’s busted.
With how it were, I’ll fill you in - if you ain’t too flustered.
Up here in mist this castle stands, surrounded by mountains (probably)
On the throne in the main mess hall, sat the King of Filly Folly.
2. Smearing sap oozed from some trees in his beard and moustache,
Sprinkling bark and crumpled leaves on his big long eyelashes.
He claps his hands, his servants gasp, and quickly seal the windows shut.
A challenger wanders on in, for Filly Folly (the FLICKING nut)
Filly Folly! Filly Folly! Filly Folly!
3. His namesake is but one the same as the halls he governs.
And he likes to host an annual game, near the kitchen ovens.
Wit’ index finger and wit’ thumb, it’s like the duellists are dancing!
Dodging scolding kitchen flames, whilst trying to flick with an utmost damaging!
4. “I’m here to battleflick you sir” a stammer humbly.
“Bam Buhr rum, ba bum bum bum!” the king trumpets mumbly.
He flicks ‘em hard, he flicks ‘em good. He flicks ‘em o’er, up and down.
For blimey, *excited groan* it’s well understood that the winner wins the shiny crown of
Filly Folly!
5. Well the reason why I tell you this, is coz I was an opponent..
I practised much, I waited long for my flicking moment.
I guess it sounds ridiculous, but his shirt rode up as he lunged at me.
I flicked him HARD in his umbilicus, and he fell harsh down onto his knees .
6. So I tell you mate, it feels so good, even though I’m a bit sore.
Wait, if you’re here then does that mean... you’re here for a flick war!?!
Let’s waste no time, I’ll fetch my sap! A word of warning, hide your gut
Adjourn to the kitchen, best of luck, for I’m Filly Folly, the FLICKING nut!
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2. |
Bloomey Castle
04:37
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Father, I had that dream again. Attacked with her hooves. All five of them.
I cannot describe my fear. I woke in a pool of pungent tears.
You said we would leave in the morning. That was 3 years ago.
Locked in this cage forever. Queen Jardine beckons us all.
Forced on to serve these animals, head heavy with curds and sadness.
They party till well past midnight, and I yearn to feel the daylight.
Father, you promised a saviour. You promised one to lift this curse.
The party winds down, and we’re shooed inside. The Queen needs to be overthrown.
We’re not refrigerated. We’re left in this cage to grow mould.
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3. |
Castle Nochysdenane
03:47
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1. The quest begins soon after dawn, somewhere a “Barwll Bawch” should spawn
Aim for the branch above its back (hack at it with 3 fast attacks)
Now loot the carcass, on its skin will be a map tattooed in ink.
Follow the trail, across the dam, you should reach the Ridge of Caratan
2. Wait at the Ridge of Caratan, a farmer will ask if you’d lend a hand.
“I need you to prepare this soil, for my hands are covered in sores and boils.”
Plough at the cabbage field until he says “well, I’m off to the old SaltMill.
Here is some copper for your work. Head to the barn for some dessert.”
“All me life, I’ve waited for something like a mystical soul rebirth. A taste of the hero’s worth.
All me life, I’ve been chasing that magic light, I’d finally make things right
a shot at the hero life! The hero life!
3. Talk to his daughter in the barn. She’ll tell her story of the farm
“We used sell our produce to the good people, but our deals fell through
Now this new king, he bullies me into giving our crops away for free!
I need you to put a stop to it!” she hands you a vial of poison spit.
4. You can ask her more questions, or simply head out the front barn door
She will lend you a horse to ride, but you can walk there if you like
There’ll be some enemies on those paths, just fend them off with your magic staff
Walk through the forest till you see Castle Nochysdenane.
5. Sneak past the guards. If timed right, you’ll be completely out of sight.
There is a loose brick in the wall, quietly kick it in and crawl
Then grapple up the castleside, up to the kitchen to the right.
(you may need to cast “spell of wane” to pass through the windowpane)
6. Here you’ll be caught by the kitchen hand, he’ll tell you of his severed hand*
“A crazy girl from Caratan (sung fast)attacked me when I told her her crops are bad.
She tricks a “hero” at least once a day, she always sends them up this way!”
Either poison the stew as planned, or go back and take care of the girl and Dad.
(*did I just rhyme “hand” with “hand”? So be it.)
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4. |
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Thought I could work there forever.
Thought I would be there until me end.
Old Stiklow Castle, modest and mighty.
Now I’ll never see goat again.
Something turned that whole place evil.
A curse? Or somethin’ I can’t comprehend.
Something real bad anyway. We all evacuated.
Now I’ll never see goat again.
I had him draped over my shoulders.
I thought I held him fast as I ran down the glen.
But he must be up there still in the castle.
I’ll never see goat again.
Sometimes I still hear him bleating.
I even think I see him out in the pen.
But he’s probably evil now, so no point in rescue.
I’ll never see goat again.
I’ll never bother with nothing.
No family, no possessions and no best friend.
I’ll just be fishing out here till my time comes.
And I’ll never see goat again.
I’ll never see goat again.
And I’ll never be good again.
I’ll never see goat again.
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Toehider Melbourne, Australia
The work of musician Micheal Mills and artist Andrew Saltmarsh.
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