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about

All behold the "Toad Hirer"! Don't get him confused with the other guy with the similar name, he gets a bit annoyed at that.

lyrics

XII in XII - #07 - “TOAD HIRER”

Introduction (00:48)

I'm asked that a lot, but oh no, that’s not me! I’ve nothing to hide, the opposite actually.

Folks come here looking for him, it’s a common mistake. Hey since you’re here, can I show you these clocks that I make?

Verse 1 (02:30)

Welcome to “Tiny Time Hall'', that’s what this hall’s called! Hah, ok hold your applause.

I’d love to work outta somewhere drier, but this is all I can afford!

Just a knot clump, a splintery sap bump in an old tree stump - obscured by moss & grass & rocks

A small spot, my little workshop for my mini time clocks that never TICK, only TOCK!

Chorus 1 (03:07)

I’M “TOAD HIRER”, PLEASED TO MEET YOU, BLIGHTER! I’M GLAD YOU’VE COME MY WAY

I KNOW TOADS ONLY, GOD I GET SO LONELY - AWHILE YOU STAY?

Verse 2 (03:39)

My little noble practising of clock dispatching, the workload kind of started catching up with me.

I needed a team of workers who are rough & scratchy, for I have some very strict deadlines indeed.

Star fingered toadies, mmm they do just nicely, I get them all to hop up to my tree stump shop

The moisture is so highly but they don’t mind slightly. They love it & they’re so great at the job!

Bridge 1 (03:57)

Frogs? No, they’re useless. Too smooth is their skin, yes

Clock cogs (& the springs) need the course toad star fingers

Chorus 2 (04:18)

COME TO THE RIVER, WATCH THEIR MOTHERS DELIVER - IT’S NOT FOR FAINT OF HEART

HER BACK SKIN QUIVERS WITH A UNISONED SHIVER - QUITE THE QUAINTED START

CONSENSUAL CONSENSUS IS THE AMPLE AMPLEXUS - IT’S AN AWKWARD LOVING EMBRACE

WHEN DAD ROLLS THE EGGS INTO HER BACK, YOU’RE GONNA FREAK

Middle 1 (07:50)

I think she’s ready to start now. I think she’s aching for it. She’s been dreaming, somehow preparing for this.

The river is dark and so muddy.. I’m proud of her for being so brave. For sacrificing, it must be frightening.

I hope they’re healthy & feisty. I hope they turn out better than me. - I’m so faulty, so so faulty

It’s time to face the world. It’s time to give what you can. It’s time for big release.

I know she’s ready to start now. She’s flat and she’s brilliant and strong. She’ll feel so elated, the poor thing has waited so long

The water is calm and so soothing. I might be more nervous than her. But I know she’ll get through this, and I know I’ll get through this

I’ll make sure they’re kind and thoughtful. I’ll make sure they don’t make the same mistakes I made. I’m so broken, so very broken..

It's time to face the world. She can no longer hold them in. Her back shivers with life.

Fast verse 1 - (13:49)

Remember when I said my time/pieces only TOCK? I find it weird you didn’t ask me why!

No it’s understandable, you’ve been through quite a lot, so I’ll go ahead & tell you (well, I’ll try..)

Fast chorus 1 - (14:06)

The river’s full of leeches, otters & other creatures, but the big concern’s those pesky ticks*

They love a toad to suck on, questing & latching upon the big back holes. It makes us sick!

So yeah, we HATE ticks.

Fast verse 2 - (14:39)

It /makes sense that ticks all love the TICKING of a clock, so by law these parasites don’t like the TOCK

So I hire the offspring, often hundreds at a time - & fill the holes with my NON-TICKING CLOCKS!

Fast chorus 2 (14:56)

The hands are warty, grimy, all coarse and not all slimy. They’re much more agreeable than frogs

Yes they’re the quintessential, Peak amphibious potential. My very precious special sprogs

Oh pipa pipa come to me, pipa pipa please help me! Pipa Pipa come slot the cogs

You are the quintessential, Peak amphibious potential. My very precious special sprogs!

Verse 3 (15:45)

Now watch, I simply guide these babies up the stream to “Tiny Time Hall” (the older ones will teach them what to do)

Now a watch, I gently sew some clocks into the mother’s gaping birth holes (and she’s now free to go and make her dreams come true)

Bridge 2 - (16:03)

The ticks come to attack, oh but the TOCK of the NON-TICKING clocks sets them off, they can’t get in, so they take off…

Chorus 3 (16:26)

I’M “TOAD HIRER” & TO MEET YOU ‘TWAS NICE TO! BUT YOU BEST BE ON YOUR WAY

MY FRESH TEAM’S ASSEMBLED WITH SO MUCH WORK AHEAD-O-’EM, BEFORE THE LIGHT OF DAY

THE LAKE ALL A SHIMMER WITH PRISTINE GLASS GLIMMER - TOADAL GUILLOCHE & CHAINS

A BRASS SCENT LINGERS ON THOSE SMALL STAR FINGERS AS THE OLD ONES HOP AWAY

MY FRONT GATE SHUDDERS LIKE THE BACK OF THEIR MOTHER. I HOPE THEY ENJOYED THEIR STAY

THEY’RE IN SUCH A HURRY! BUT I NEEDN’T WORRY. I’LL CLOCK THEM TOO SOME DAY!

I’M “TOAD HIRER” & WHILE IT’S TRUE I LIKE YA, IT’S TIME YOU WENT AWAY

SAYONARA, CHEERS AND HEY, REMEMBER, I’M NOT *THAT* GUY.

OKAY?!?

credits

from XII in XII #07 - "Toad Hirer", released February 1, 2024
Mike - music
Salt - art

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The work of musician Micheal Mills and artist Andrew Saltmarsh.

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