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Nobody Even Really Liked it in There But Me

from XII in XII #01 - "Quit Forever​?​" by Toehider

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The opening verse seems to depict a time of life where the speaker and their peers lived in the moment, possibly an era of youthful innocence. This time period is presented as a unique, almost invisible experience within a much larger, bustling environment (the "city of millions").

The speaker recalls that they and their peers grew up together, and this time of their lives provided some kind of stability for them. It implies they tried to hold onto this period, even when it may not have been universally liked or appreciated - "Nobody even really liked it in there but me".

The song then delves into self-doubt and self-questioning, with the speaker wondering if they're becoming obsolete ("Have I been made redundant?") and if their past has served them well. They also raise questions about the validity of learning and the contradictions that can come with it, perhaps representing the conflicts that arise as one matures and encounters diverse life experiences.

The speaker then asks questions about the future and the nature of personal independence and ownership ("Will you rent in a moment? Or can you afford your own?"). The lines "When you pay off a stranger’s dream / Move on and do the same thing" might symbolize the cycle of striving for dreams and aspirations, while also highlighting the fleeting and transient nature of these pursuits.

The song ends with a weary acceptance of the need to move forward - "I’m starting to get over starting over" - but with the poignant reminder of their unique affection for the past, "When nobody even really liked it in there but me".

So, overall, the song is an exploration of personal growth, the complexities of maturation, the longing for past simplicity, and the difficult acceptance of change.

lyrics

We all lived in the moment, from one right until the next
I had no other plans, we had no other choices
They all struggled to find us, it was easy to miss us there
We existed alone in a city of millions

You started as children, I can recall so vividly
And I was a child too, we grew up together
I stayed in that moment For some semblance of stability
I tried to hold off -


Now I hold in that mouldy sigh..
Try to collate what’s important
It could be a tough goodbye, even if
Nobody even really liked it in there but me


Is there a lesson here somewhere? What if I’m sick of learning things?
What if the lesson counteracts other lessons?
I have so few answers, and you’ll be learning that more and more.
We resisted so long, all the standard conventions

Have I been made redundant? Is that how I can really tell?
If I’m doing my job well, why am I no longer needed?
Will you rent in a moment? Or can you afford your own?
And what is the payoff

When you pay off a stranger’s dream
Move on and do the same thing
I’m starting to get over starting over

When nobody even really liked it in there but me

credits

from XII in XII #01 - "Quit Forever​?​", released August 4, 2023

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Toehider Melbourne, Australia

The work of musician Micheal Mills and artist Andrew Saltmarsh.

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