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How Do I Dial it Down?

from XII in XII #04 - Horse EP by Toehider

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lyrics

Feel the sting - dark eyes alight with fascination
Suffering in pure bliss
Deep within the stygian depths of my elation
I ache. I'm so sore.
Like a part of me was murdered. Or brought back to life.

Creeping in, it overwhelms when I don't want it
Ruining my whole day
Distracting me, the fevered guilt of not achieving anything for so long

Posing as a conqueror, a degenerate in disguise
Why do I want to disappoint you? And sabotage myself?
How can I resist those scolding eyes?
How could I dial it down?
Why should I dial it down?
Or do I open it up to let you claw inside?
Writhing in the joy of my exquisite torment
Confronting it head on.

Milking it, forget to breathe. Have I been broken? Or repaired?
I want punish you for ever believing in me
Existing somewhere between a deadbeat and a God
Forever trapped, and forever free

Am I not worthy enough?
Do I not want it enough?

Am I not broken enough to let you rip inside?
I could let you try, I'm just terrified of gagging on my pride

and opening my eyes.

credits

from XII in XII #04 - Horse EP, released October 20, 2023

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Toehider Melbourne, Australia

The work of musician Micheal Mills and artist Andrew Saltmarsh.

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