Get all 32 Toehider releases available on Bandcamp and save 20%.
Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality downloads of XII in XII #07 - "Toad Hirer", XII in XII #06 - Children of the Sun 3: A Collection of Cartoon Theme Songs from an Alternate Timeline in Which All Cartoons Are Duck-Themed, XII in XII #5 - Take on a Tank, XII in XII #04 - Horse EP, XII in XII #03 - The 4 Castles of Stelcoaryn, XII in XII #02 - "Snapshots From Beacontown Spring Dance '85", XII in XII #01 - "Quit Forever?", I Have Little To No Memory of These Memories, and 24 more.
1. |
Lowest of the Low
01:18
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2. |
Toe Hider
04:00
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I saw the clock
(and I) dashed for my socks
I untwisted the lock when...
WHEN UP UP POPPED HIS LITTLE HEAD
But it was strange
coz I wasn't afraid
but I, I have to say
that it was more than a little unnerving when he said;
"There'll be no moonlighting in the moonlight, children
No sightseeing in the sea
And you'll be best to cover up your feet soon darlings,
or best you give your toes to me...
And the word got around, spreading right across town, that when he wore his night gown
it was single...
...double...
....triple the fun!
When the angle was right, in the sultry moonlight, he would give us a fright..
and we all stood pretty much motionless as he went;
"You'll have no more offers from the office, ladies
No tip-toe'ing round the truth.
And there'll be no smashing of your packets either,
Lest I give these toes... TO YOU!!"
Now, the ending of this fable sees the youngen (small and able)
duck her head under the table
With her mouth all full of chewing gum-ooooh!
Could you believe it? Well I guess you had to see it,
little toes, stuck with adhesive
for to catch a...
Catch a toe hii--- der!!
Yeah, the purple-y muck, had him awfully stuck, and so all out of luck
Shoulders shrugged he
sat down be-side her.
And you know ,I confess, I suppose
that to say
that I was suprised
would be a great understatement,
when he turned to the children and spoke....
"Don't you worry much about your Hallux, Alex
Gone are slippers in the heat.
And there'll be no more fidgeting your digits, Bridget
I see you like them more than me...
So now go on with twinkling in the wet grass children,
And moonlight-dancing for the win!
And there'll be no more toe hiding, I promise kids, but
[maybe I could tuck them in?]"
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3. |
Jesuitmont
04:39
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There lived a knight in Jesuitmont
A huntin' he did ride;
His footmen all attending him,
And his horsemen by his side.
And they found out in Jesuitmont
A pleasant sport and play;
His lady goes exceeding fine,
To hear the masses play.
An' she's called on her daughter Anne,
To come to her with speed;
to go and tell the master cook
To dress the dinner straight.
To go her message for to tell,
Young Annie feared nae ill;
An' she is gone to the master cook,
The message for to tell.
Ye maun dress the dow, the dow,
That fair and milk-white dow;
That in the parlour shines so fair,
There's nane so fair to show.
Here is a panknife in my hand,
Will bereave thee of thy life;
For thou art the dow that I maun dress
unto thy fathers wife.
Up then spoke the kitchie boy,
An' he spoke loud an' high;
"O save, O save fair Annie's life,
An' bake me in your pie."
"I will not save fair Annie's life,
No not for such as thee;
But if thou divulge this lady's life,
Thy butcher I will be."
When day was done and night was come,
And they were all at dinner
When he's ca'd for his daughter Annie,
To come and carve his dinner.
Up he rose and away he goes,
Anangry man was he;
"One bit of meat I will not eat,
Till I fair Annie see."
Up then spak the kitchie boy,
An' he spak loud an' high;
"An ye wad your fair Annie see,
Ye maun break up the pie."
Her meat it was a' minced sme'
An' forced by the fire'
An' cursed be her stepmother
For it was her desire.
This lord his a' clad i' black
A' for his Annie's sake;
An' he has caused her stepmother
To be burnt at the stake.
An' he has caused the master cook,
in boilin' lead to stand;
An' he has made the kitchie boy
The heir o' a' his land.
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4. |
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Could not have been any more of a disaster
I didn't know he was such a good actor
And she, too, kept a lid on
How could they both just spit on 18 years?
And as for you, well I just don't know what to tell you
I cannot look at your face, ah hell
You have got to be fucking kidding
This whole fucking thing is bringing me to tears
You could have any boy you like
It's not like you never had a choice
And I couldn't help you if I tried...
It's bad enough to find out so late
But to think we did is to much to take
Coz you're not the girl you said you were
And I'm not the man I think I am
Scrub the skin and wash the taste
Of your mother's sin and my father's mistake
Coz you're not the girl you said you were
And I'm not the man I think I am
To think about it makes me sick to my stomach
I cannot sleep, I can't believe that they've done it
All because of these two cheaters, she'll deny it but don't believe that he's your Dad
And as for you, well I just don't know how to play it
It's too hard, wish I could just come out and say it
But where do I begin with all of this?
You could have picked another guy
It's not like you even have to try
and now it's much more than just goodbye.
It's bad enough to find out so late
But to think we did is to much to take
Coz you're not the girl you said you were
And I'm not the man I think I am
Scrub the skin and wash the taste
Of your mother's sin and my father's mistake
Coz you're not the girl you said you were
And I'm not the man I think I am
...so when it was open, I went to his office
And found all the letters that he got from your Mum
"I think that the baby's yours, if you know what's good for you, you won't telll a soul!"
So I guess Mum's the word.
It's bad enough to find out so late
But to think we did is to much to take
Coz you're not the girl you said you were
And I'm not the man I think I am
Scrub the skin and wash the taste
Of your mother's sin and my father's mistake
Coz you're not the girl you said you were
And I'm not the man I think I am.
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5. |
The Moon Was a Kite
05:30
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How can you tell? You call it a fear.
I call it 'electric', and hold it quite dear.
Scratch it all out, and scratch it within.
Over your faces, under my skin.
The sky is a blindfolded mess
The clouds flicker past like they're hiding something.
The stars are just pricks in the sky
And the moon was a kite until some cunt snipped its string.
And all but too soon, the colours all fade
And I can't tell your browns from your green or your grey.
They're not all the same, they're not uniform.
Stop with the collecting together in swarms.
I can't feel a thing as you slit.
And the lotus seeds taunts me (I know where they've come from)
Halcyon's not even a word
The moon was a cut, but it seems to be healing well.
I'm over the moon, I'm sick of its games
And finally my enemy has a name.
And I will not stop, till I've scratched you all out
And I'll finally see what you're really about.
The sun needs no excuses to shine
And the faces it beams on seem microscopic.
The stars are just pricks in the sky
And the moon was a kite until some cunt snipped its string.
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Toehider Melbourne, Australia
The work of musician Micheal Mills and artist Andrew Saltmarsh.
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