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2011 - To Hide Her

by Toehider

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1.
Oh my god, he's an idiot Take one look, it's immediate, not much there goes on behind his stoner eyes. Oh my gosh, he's an imbecile Hits on chicks, and here all the while Is you and your poor,innocent, sweet heart... He never calls you back He's selfish in the sack Knows nothing of romance A moron with no clue I don't know much either, my dear, But its so obviously clear. He has no frickin idea what he's got in you. Oh my god, he's an idiot!! Acting so inappropriately and with no thought or concern for how you feel. Oh my god, he's oblivious self-important and devious Just resign yourself to the fact that you're never going to figure him out. Because without a doubt There's forces within that man That he clearly doesn't understand He acts on his dick's command (and excuse me for being obscene) but - Somewhere down the line, you should Get outta this waste of your time Because, baby, if you were mine, I'd treat you like a queen...
2.
She said “excuse me” and then proceeded to bump into my chest. I said “which way are you going?” and as I did so I lightly brushed my hand on her boob (oh my god!) Then it was over, no four leaf clover could provide enough luck. I turned around but she’d gone, and on a desk in my form her boyfriend wrote “I’d recommend you keep your eyes and your mind off my property.” Totally wish I had more balls than that. I’ve tried to forget it, but it just keeps coming back Totally useless at reading her signs. I’ve re-lived that moment a million times. Total cliché time... "I wish I could die!" Tragic and tristful, and terribly tongue-tied Totally blew my chances with the most popular girl in school. He’s so mysterious, it’s like he doesn’t care to play these dumb games. He’s in a world of his own, and at recess he goes to play his metal pointy loud guitar. And Brad’s an idiot, he makes me do stuff that I don’t wanna do. Besides, this new kid is cool, he stammers hard like a fool, And sweats so bad, like he’s in an ocean of infatuation Totally hating on people I “like” Maggot on Breezers and high as a kite Keep up appearances, a constant display Greasy pork sandwich, served in a dirty ashtray He seems so bright, bet he thinks I’m so dumb The party’s this weekend, he probably won’t come. Totally wish I was more than just the most popular girl in school. Later at the party, she got wasted and she went home with a loser. He could have most anyone, so why’s he have to be a jerk and choose her? “Saw him in the corner, he’s not talking, he’s just looking round, he’s SO weird What the hell’s his problem, he should leave if he thinks he’s too good to be here!” Now she looks caustic, some backwards logic tells her I’m an asshole? It’s not my fault, I just don’t like to talk, with so much to hear. Totally awkward, vacant and gone. Shallow and air-headed, talks like a moron High-brow elitist, god he's such a dick... Think I'll just stick with the library chicks What was I thinking? Freaks stick with their kind. She's so misguided but she can think what she likes Totally won't waste my time again. On the most popular girl The most popular girl The most Popular girl in school.
3.
Daddy Issues 06:18
Carrying burdens, and staring at nothing, a tap on the shoulder. “You’re too young to get it, just play with your toys. I’ll explain when you’re older” The cradle and cat, man - enough with the Chapin. I get it, it’s ample. You think you can teach, so you teach what you think, but they learn by example. She keeps to herself, and she rarely contributes, here under the table. And she carries the weight of the world that surround ds her, she’s willing and able. “It’s just a suggestion, don’t take it as gospel.” Took them outside to gaze at the clouds, with such fascination “I can see trees, that one looks like a car…” a surge of creation “People will take that stuff just because they have no imagination.” Try to speak openly, exercise patience to spark conversation. Part of me wants them to turn out like me and be scared of the devil. But part of me wants them to seek out adventure, be not so damn careful It’s just observation, don’t take it as gospel. WHAT IF ALL I DO AMOUNTS TO NOTHING? I CAN’T WRITE IT OFF AND START AGAIN AND ALL I DON’T DO ACCOUNTS FOR SOMETHING ACCUMULATED BLAME Carry the blood down, the elder’s a liar, the uncle’s a user The mother’s irrational, father’s incompetent, scatterbrained loser Inherently take on the traits and mistakes of whom they’re exposed to Try hard to influence, set a good path, do as you’re supposed to. But how do you combat the rot that’s so deep and so heavy inside them? Supposing you spare them from nightmares and spiders that sit down beside them? I want to forget more But I’m always reminded WHAT IF ALL I DO AMOUNTS TO NOTHING? I CAN’T WRITE IT OFF A ND START AGAIN AND ALL I DON’T DO ACCOUNTS FOR SOMETHING ACCUMULATED BLAME WHAT IF ALL I TRY AMOUNTS TO NOTHING? CAN’T JUST RIDE IT OUT ACROSS THE SKY AND I KNOW YOU’LL BLAME ME FOR SOMETHING LIKE NIGHTTIME BLAMES THE SUNRISE Things aren’t getting clearer Think it’s such a shame Try to make a difference When things turn out the same You are why I’m living And I am all you’ve got And you’re too young to worry And I’m too old to not And you’re too young to realise And I’m too old to see. All in a day’s work, it’s taking forever what used to an hour Stuck with a dragon, a princess, a promise, and ivory towers The messages mixed, inconsistently fixed, they don’t need the confusion The lessons are tangled up tight, but at least it creates an illusion They don’t make them good anymore, like they used to, they’re built to be thrown out With minds on the game, we switch on, we switch off, we sit back and we zone out And memory’s trigger, well, father it figures… WHAT IF ALL I DO AMOUNTS TO NOTHING? I CAN’T WRITE IT OFF AND START AGAIN AND ALL I DON’T DO ACCOUNTS FOR SOMETHING ADD IT TO THE WHAT IF ALL I TRY AMOUNTS TO NOTHING? CAN’T JUST RIDE IT OUT ACROSS THE SKY AND I KNOW YOU’LL BLAME ME FOR SOMETHING WHAT IF ALL I DO AMOUNTS TO NOTHING? WHAT IF ALL I DO AMOUNTS TO NOTHING? WHAT IF ALL I DO AMOUNTS TO NOTHING? WHAT IF ALL I DO AMOUNTS TO NOTHING? WHAT IF ALL I DO AMOUNTS TO NOTHING? WHAT IF ALL I DO AMOUNTS TO NOTHING? WHAT IF ALL I DO AMOUNTS TO NOTHING? WHAT IF ALL I DO AMOUNTS TO NOTHING? WHAT IF ALL I DO AMOUNTS TO NOTHING? WHAT IF ALL I DO AMOUNTS TO NOTHING? WHAT IF ALL I DO AMOUNTS TO NOTHING? WHAT IF ALL I DO AMOUNTS TO NOTHING? WHAT IF ALL I DO AMOUNTS TO NOTHING? WHAT IF ALL I DO AMOUNTS TO NOTHING? WHAT IF ALL I DO AMOUNTS TO NOTHING? WHAT IF ALL I DO AMOUNTS TO NOTHING? WHAT IF ALL I DO AMOUNTS TO NOTHING?
4.
In This Time 02:47
VERSE 1 Opening my eyes to see your hair spread on the pillow Something I can't take in all at once. It's like you're always smiling, you seem genuinely happy that you're here right now. And you stand, like Venus on the shore, in shell, uncovered. and I scratch my head at how I got this right. What's the chain that seems to link my dreams and fantasies with what's in front of me....? CHORUS 1 But to be sure, I am not counting on it, but I don't rule it out No promises we know might not come true Tomorrow is an empty shell, and the past has come to pass I'm just happy to be in this time with you. VERSE 2 In my way, I've come to understand that time is a reflection And reflections are just old, recycled light It's easy to confuse the phosphenes, firing out in colours, for falling stars CHORUS 2 Far beyond both cloud and moon, or sitting in my hand There's nothing else that I know how to do. But here inside my chest, or all of aeons far above I just feel lucky to be in this time with you. I don't know. A second? Or a billion million years? In the grand scheme of things? Hell, I don't have a clue But I'm certain that this fraction, now, is really all we have. I'm just happy to be in this time with you.
5.
To Hide Her 05:45
FIRST VERSE Again the bottle spun, and pointed out the next incision I liked to think that I could choose, like it’s my own decision.. (But) of all the thinks that I could think I’d never thought of saying Yeah Love is love, and love is all, but is love self-containing? Things are good, and things are bad, things turn out as they turn out Just grit the teeth and climb the mountains till you’re all but burnt out Open up, but not too much… just enough to let the warmth through Such a kind soul, and pure of heart, seems such a shame I want to hide her. Boundless love comes with a binding ring Love that thing I’ve put you in. SECOND VERSE And every day I would squint out the green that filled my eyes up, My enemy, but mine alone, and one that I can’t bring up One might assume that when I’m silent, my whole soul is spinning I just can’t give the satisfaction to it, that it’s winning. I cannot speak of it, because it alters your behaviour Concretes imagination, words solidify the stranger The mask you’re in, so masculine, Remove it? I’d be mad to. He’ll touch her like she touches me, can’t stop the want to have to To hide her. You seem enamoured, fixated on him. Love that thing I’ve put you in THIRD VERSE Chameleonic tendencies, a flair for adaptation I’m not two-faced, I just react in certain situations It’s not a happiness that I persue, it’s education. So long as there’s a chance of growth, I will endure frustration. That need to understand is futile, I must learn acceptance And face the charge, that green-eyed spark that seeks its own repentance. There’s no such thing as contradiction, it’s called ‘’changing your mind’’ The more I speak, the less I give, and less I find I have to – to hide her. Speaking of it gives much less to sing Love that thing I’ve put you in
6.
(talking to myself – ) Everyone there thinks they knows the truth Everyone dismisses your excuse They saw the van, they saw your grass-stained knees. The couple living west up on the hill Heard the splash when night was gripped with still And saw the moon was bouncing in the pool. You saw them watching, and you know you did. You saw them see no matter where you hid. You saw them like you saw her hollow eyes… But keep your own eyes open, toe to steel Press on forward, focus, steer the wheel Don’t confuse the truth with what they saw (speaking out loud to myself -) If Jess were here, then she’d know what to do She’d tell me to be calm and tell the truth But she told me not to tell the truth just this one time…. And why am I so anxious and forlorn? Why am I? I’ve done nothing wrong! I’ve only done as she had always wishedI feel her weight still, heavy in my arms Just like she used to sleep with peace and calm And why’s that moonlit mist still in my eyes? What’s the truth, and what’s reflected blame? And how do I exude it from my brain? The blood and water as she left my aching hands… PULL THIS VAN OVER/DRINK TILL I’M SOBER SHUTTING MY MIND UP/CLOSING THE COVER I CAN STILL SMELL HER/WISH I COULD TELL HER I LOVED HER BEFORE /LIFE WAS SUCKED FROM HER IF I CAME CLEAN HER PARENTS WOULD KILL ME BEST IF THEY THOUGHT THAT SHE’D RAN OFF WITH ME FOCUS CONCENTRATE, PUSH ON AS DAYBREAK TAKES OVER NIGHT AND TAKES OVER MEMORY… I’m in over my head, I’m slipping much further awake. My best friend is dead, and now there’s a ghost in the lake. (me -) “I’ll damp the cloth, and fill the water cup You need to drink, and dear, you’re burning up Your skin is raw, and blistering and white Babe, you’ve not the strength just to get dressed Dear, you need to see a specialist I know you don’t believe, but babe, it’s time…” (Jess -) They have no idea what’s best for me. The body creates its own remedy Their cures are all just masks, a waste of time… It makes no difference, nothing’s any good I can hear them now “we did all that we could” I’d rather die like this than with a poisoned mind. But I don’t want to pass rotting, boxed, confined Throw me where my shell can be purified Give me away like I was never here Throw me out and let Mother do as she (pleases) Please, if you love me, Take my dead body Hand it to nature (so) I can rest quietly Leave this stupid town, like we always said Don’t tell our families, don’t taint their memories I’m in over my head, I’m slipping much further awake. My best friend is dead, and now there’s a ghost in the lake.
7.
Coming from above, enamoured with their beauty, The angels from the skies, they took to the earth, and they Came and sought daughters of man of their choosing Knowing not the creatures of which they would birth 200 descended on the summit of Mount Herman Driven by the lust for the mortal flesh Carrying the winds of defiance along with them Sworn by oath, to fulfil Samyaza’s wish. CHORUS They’re taller than the trees They’re stronger than our force combined We fall down to our knees They’re mightier than the human kind Save us from these beasts Spare us of the torture from These giants who walk with Man. The sons of God would pay, cast into Tartarus To spend forevermore in eternal black In Canaan they would roam, this fierce and dire creatures Of which the sons of God and girls of man begat. The Nephilim would tower all those around them Watch as children, dogs and women cower in fear Taking as they please, owning all that surrounds them Feasting on the cattle, Stripping forests clear BRIDGE They ripped the bones from flesh like bark from trees. They pounded skulls and drove us out to sea Lord, won’t you spare us of the torture and dismay? The prophets did come forth ,heed their warning A great flood will come and wash all the sins away…
8.
I’d be in a bar in Brisbane, and some guy walks up to me and says, “yeah, I know you through Amy” Or even at my best friend’s wedding, this chick’ll be all like “Hi! I went to school with Amy” Seems like every time I turn around I meet one of her friends. Everybody knows Amy. This one time a guy named Ash bailed me up and said “are you in a band with Amy? and I was like “yeah” and he said “I taught her at Box Hill! Can you say ‘hi’ from me?” So, before I forget… if you’re listening to this Amy, Ash says hi. You know, it ain’t no big deal if your part of Amy’s crew. Because guess what? I know Amy too. I bet YOU know Amy. I bet you worked with her or something, or maybe you’re on the same netball team as Amy. Or you could be anyone, ever, and you’d have met her, well that’s my theory Seems like every time I turn around I meet someone she knows You know, it’s not impressive if you’re someone Amy knew. Because GUESS WHAT?!?! I know Amy too.
9.
Fireside 03:06
I’d watch my Dad make this toast fork , Bend some wire he’d find up in the shed. Then he’d take some mesh from a flyscreen Make a little bit where he’d rest the bread Man, I wish I could do something useful I never could do the cool shit that he’s done I was in my room like a dickhead Playin’on the box that he’d backward strung. Sitting out by the fireside. Laughing tears, smoke’ll sting the eyes Kicking back and wasting time Now, I’ll strum some Slim out with the old man. We’ll play a G, and we’ll go to the D. I’ll play some wanky Chet licks Meanwhile the old man’d take it back to the G. He’d say “How the fuck do you do that? I can barely take the bass down for a walk!” I’ll laugh and shrug my shoulders, say “I’d rather I could make those cool toast forks!” Drinking coffees by the fireside. Watching stars shoot across the sky Reminiscing and wasting time. Cunny funts by the fireside. Laugh so much, you’d have to hold your side. Telling jokes and wasting time.
10.

about

The first full-lengther by Toehider.

“To Hide Her, from memory, was an album we did about 6 months after finishing the ‘12 EPS in 12 months’ string of releases. The first side of the album were sonds I’d already been working on, but the second side was approached as another challenge – ‘could I finish 1 song per day?’ Turns out I couldn’t and I think I did 4 songs in about a week instead.

Visually this is still one of my favourite things Salty has ever done and to not do a vinyl release of this with large scale artwork is an injustice!”

- Mike Mills, 2021

credits

released September 22, 2011

Mike Mills, Lach Barclay, Amy Campbell, Ricky Evensand

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Toehider Melbourne, Australia

The work of musician Micheal Mills and artist Andrew Saltmarsh.

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